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Posted on 30th Jul at 5:27 PM, with 238,000 notes

ileftmyheartindixie:

Remember when Never Have I Ever games used to be like “never have I ever had sex *giggle*”

Now it’s like “never have I ever had a six person orgy in a broom closet” and people are all like “crap, I’m out.”

Posted on 30th Jul at 5:24 PM, with 446,289 notes
leauxcalbelle:

the-misadventures-of-lele:

zyzil:

princess-azula:

grapefruitshampoo:

imnotthereasonthatyoureinsane:

tephnos:

sirisles:

dixiesaurer:

aaronwarner-anderson:

mongezeas:

g0kudera:

sarahdesdemona:

ninth-level-of-awesome:

I love how Tumblr teaches us how to be perfect criminals.

Also, if you’re burying a full body, make sure you bury them vertically. Satellites orbiting earth look for holes that are approx. 6ft long because that’s suspicious. Ideally though, drain your body of fluids in a tub ((mix fluids with bleach and let them soak before draining and take precautions to keep your house from smelling like death from your sink and whatnot. Draining the body also keeps decomp at bay a bit and makes it easier to portion)) and cut it to bits. It’s easier to bury a head than a whole body, and takes less time so you don’t have to tell your neighbors, “Oh, I’m night gardening!”
Also, if a dog happens across it, it’s more likely it will devour a single body part than all of your ex-husband.
Another method is to put it into a septic tank. They’re a plethora of bacteria, and the smell of waste covers the smell of decomposition very well.
You should also destroy all teeth, massacre the face and burn fingerprints/remove finger tips to keep from identifying by anything other than DNA.
…I didn’t come up with these ideas, just what I’ve gleaned from reading on the internet.

i used to joke about Tumblr teaching us how to get away with murder, but fuck, man

the thing is when i see this i want to go kill a man just because i have the knowledge

thanks tumblr

Remember when you’re at the crime scene to wipe down all surfaces and then take the victims hands and touch things with them. Pick up cups and run the hands along table tops. A room with zero fingerprints is very suspicious.
If you live near the ocean you can drain the body and cut up the cadaver into small pieces then mix it all together with fish parts and dispose of it easily by pretending to chum the water for fish and sharks. Actually do chum the water a bit before dumping in your victim to be sure there are plenty of hungry fish around. Stick around and fish for a while so anyone who happens to see you won’t get suspicious. This way you don’t have any body parts lying around waiting to be dug up and identified. Plus you might catch a marlin or something.

PLUS YOU MIGHT CATCH A MARLIN
I AFDGFHGKJHKHGFDSF I AM DONE

Don’t forget that the chances of being caught are greatly reduced if you murder someone who has no connection to you at all. Most murderers end up killing someone they know in some fashion, so they’re easily caught. Serial killers kill at random, hence why they can kill a lot before they screw up.
I am not a serial killer, honest.

I am seriously concerned for all of you

please don’t judge me for tagging this for future reference, IT’S FOR PURELY FICTIONAL PURPOSES OK

I’M PRETTY SURE THE NEXT TIME I SEE THIS POST, ADVICE ON BURYING BODIES WILL ADD UP UNTIL IT SUFFICES TO BE COMPILED AS A HANDBOOK

How to kill a bitch: a guide by tumblr

this really is a mental institute.

for those in the south, gator pits and/or dens can be your best friend in that situation…just sayin

This blew my mind. Who knew my fellow tumblr family were all secret professional murderers…
View high resolution

leauxcalbelle:

the-misadventures-of-lele:

zyzil:

princess-azula:

grapefruitshampoo:

imnotthereasonthatyoureinsane:

tephnos:

sirisles:

dixiesaurer:

aaronwarner-anderson:

mongezeas:

g0kudera:

sarahdesdemona:

ninth-level-of-awesome:

I love how Tumblr teaches us how to be perfect criminals.

Also, if you’re burying a full body, make sure you bury them vertically. Satellites orbiting earth look for holes that are approx. 6ft long because that’s suspicious. Ideally though, drain your body of fluids in a tub ((mix fluids with bleach and let them soak before draining and take precautions to keep your house from smelling like death from your sink and whatnot. Draining the body also keeps decomp at bay a bit and makes it easier to portion)) and cut it to bits. It’s easier to bury a head than a whole body, and takes less time so you don’t have to tell your neighbors, “Oh, I’m night gardening!”

Also, if a dog happens across it, it’s more likely it will devour a single body part than all of your ex-husband.

Another method is to put it into a septic tank. They’re a plethora of bacteria, and the smell of waste covers the smell of decomposition very well.



You should also destroy all teeth, massacre the face and burn fingerprints/remove finger tips to keep from identifying by anything other than DNA.

…I didn’t come up with these ideas, just what I’ve gleaned from reading on the internet.

i used to joke about Tumblr teaching us how to get away with murder, but fuck, man

the thing is when i see this i want to go kill a man just because i have the knowledge

thanks tumblr

Remember when you’re at the crime scene to wipe down all surfaces and then take the victims hands and touch things with them. Pick up cups and run the hands along table tops. A room with zero fingerprints is very suspicious.

If you live near the ocean you can drain the body and cut up the cadaver into small pieces then mix it all together with fish parts and dispose of it easily by pretending to chum the water for fish and sharks. Actually do chum the water a bit before dumping in your victim to be sure there are plenty of hungry fish around. Stick around and fish for a while so anyone who happens to see you won’t get suspicious. This way you don’t have any body parts lying around waiting to be dug up and identified. Plus you might catch a marlin or something.

PLUS YOU MIGHT CATCH A MARLIN

I AFDGFHGKJHKHGFDSF I AM DONE

Don’t forget that the chances of being caught are greatly reduced if you murder someone who has no connection to you at all. Most murderers end up killing someone they know in some fashion, so they’re easily caught. Serial killers kill at random, hence why they can kill a lot before they screw up.

I am not a serial killer, honest.

I am seriously concerned for all of you

please don’t judge me for tagging this for future reference, IT’S FOR PURELY FICTIONAL PURPOSES OK

I’M PRETTY SURE THE NEXT TIME I SEE THIS POST, ADVICE ON BURYING BODIES WILL ADD UP UNTIL IT SUFFICES TO BE COMPILED AS A HANDBOOK

How to kill a bitch: a guide by tumblr

this really is a mental institute.

for those in the south, gator pits and/or dens can be your best friend in that situation…just sayin

This blew my mind. Who knew my fellow tumblr family were all secret professional murderers…

Posted on 30th Jul at 12:08 AM, with 13,369 notes

itsthelesbiana:

black—lamb:

psl:

nigerianroyal:

youngblackandvegan:

postracialcomments:

onlyblackgirl:

jamarcoaaronshaw:

beautifulxsavage:

hussieologist:

weloveblackgirls:

Can we have anything ?

This was so corny and off beat

😑

Sounds like a demonic initiation

They really tried it
They really did lol

I think I just died a little bit inside -__-

I have tears 😂

and on that note….

Posted on 3rd Jul at 10:01 PM, with 146,789 notes

bunnyfood:

LOOK AT THIS CAT

Posted on 3rd Jul at 9:57 PM, with 72,672 notes
10knotes:

One day when I was fifteen I said “ma you know what’d be funny, Shrek checks.” And she remembered. She held onto that thought for five years. I opened a checking account a month ago and my mom asked me if she could order my checks so I said sure. This is what I got. Every check has a different character on it, some have donkey, some have Fiona. I’m not even mad that no one’s gonna take me seriously and my adult life is ruined. I’m just straight up impressed that my mom held onto that memory for five years and pulled this off.
View high resolution

10knotes:

One day when I was fifteen I said “ma you know what’d be funny, Shrek checks.” And she remembered. She held onto that thought for five years. I opened a checking account a month ago and my mom asked me if she could order my checks so I said sure. This is what I got. Every check has a different character on it, some have donkey, some have Fiona. I’m not even mad that no one’s gonna take me seriously and my adult life is ruined. I’m just straight up impressed that my mom held onto that memory for five years and pulled this off.

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